My lost soul

I scream with no voice;
My tears don’t drop.
My heart is being crush
By my forgot feelings.

I have tried to break the walls
But their made of air.
I walk in a lost road,
Trying to find my way.

I am free
But capture in my own dreams.

A felicidade da calma - Livre, enfim!

Escrevo com a minha alma
as palavras que julgava presas no meu coração.
Canto mais alto que a voz de quem fala
E apenas uso as minhas mãos.

Sigo o trajecto que escolhi,
aquele que me faz feliz.
Sou livre, enfim o sinto em mim,
sou mais feliz do que quem tem a felicidade a seu lado.

Pois eu tenho a graciosidade de não fazer de ninguém a minha felicidade.
Sou feliz por mim mesma,
pela calma que agora é caminho no meu destino.

Unforgettable love

The love that joined us was strong. I never had doubts. I use to dream about the day that we would unite our destinies. I use to imagine that day in a magical way. He was all that I had always dreamt. But, as everything in the life, there is always something that shakes a relationship.
When she arrived, she was she capture the attention of all men in the room. They all were fascinated by her, as they would be by a flame. Yes, he too was fascinated by her. But I didn’t blame him then. In fact, I think he wasn’t guilt at all. But the pain that I still feel is very strong. I am not capable of forgiven him yet.
By that time it wasn’t predictable what was to happen. His reaction had been equal to all the men in that café. I didn’t get down with that; I was safe about our love. We went always to that café at the same hour and that mysterious woman went there almost at the same hour. She looked at glance to all men in the café. Sometimes I had the feeling that they two looked to each other for a long time. But then I thought that it was my imagination and I forgot it.
One day, after work, I went again to that café. We had agreed to meeting there, as always. When I got there I didn’t see him. I found that weird because he left his job sooner than me. Only then I looked to my self phone. I had a message from him telling me that he could meet me. He had lot of work to do. He asked me to not go to his home; he didn’t want to be disturbed. Ah, and he said that he loved me. The words, when are writing, or are more fake or are more real.
In that day, oddly, the mysterious woman didn’t show up around there. I had a strange feeling; I felt that something wasn’t right. I remember all the times that I saw them staring at each other. And I remember too all the times that I’ve ignored it. I read the message again. ‘I love u’, I said. I love him, I thought. And I forgot all the bad feelings. Or I tried. It had passed an hour since the time that woman use to make her appear. There was something inside me that was telling to I go to his apartment, to ignore his request. I called the waiter, paid my debt and went to his home. Luckily he had given me the keys. I walk into to the building without tell him that was going to visit him. When I get to his door I‘ve noted strangely that I was listen music in a high tone. I tried to open the door slowly, so he would hear me get in. That was unnecessary, once the music was very high. When I get to the room I saw what break my heart in a thousand pieces. He was doing sex with her, in the room. They didn’t even notice my presence. No, she noticed me. She looked at me and smiled. Bigger than the pain that was smashing my chest was the rage that I felt when she smiled at me. I grabbed a jar and I drop it to their feet. Then he saw me. ‘It’s all over’, I said. And I get out. He didn’t try to follow me. Maybe it would hurt so much he would try to follow me, maybe I would forgive him. But he didn’t follow me.
I always had the dream of working in another country but I have always hesitated because of him. In that day I decided to make come true all the dreams that had been denied because of that love. I went home and start to check on the net for jobs sites to others countries. I found the ideal to me and had already everything check with the responsible for that job and I had talk with my ex superior. That was when he called. I didn’t answer. I never did. I didn’t hear his voice messages too.
I told to some close friends that I was leaving. I didn’t say why; I didn’t talk about me and him.
When I was preparing to make check in he show up at the airport. I can’t say that it surprised me. We had common friends; of course he knew what I was planning to do. He asked me sorry, said that he loved me, he cried. For a moment I vacillated. But then I remember that he said the same thing while he was making sex with me. And I remembered the way she looked at me, the way she smiled. I was unable to forgive him. I steel can’t.
I’m with somebody else. He is kind. But deep inside me, although my incapacity to forgive him, I steel know that I love him.